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Yesteryou Chapter 20

20.

The hostess’s name was Tess.  She and her own mom were incredibly close (not in a way that warms the hearts of witnesses, though; they accepted each other wholly and had unquestioningly relied on each other as a matter of survival at times, but neither one was expressive of affection, or enjoyed completely the traits of the other).  Therefore, she could not empathize with Molly’s situations, of searching for a mother's whose whereabouts were unknown.  Throughout her young life, Tess had had many friends who’d run away from home (a couple not surviving their adventures), and that was a narrative she instinctively understood; a child seeing no way to become important except by prematurely asserting what little personality the young person has so far developed.  Consequently, she couldn’t help but treat Molly like a mother who’d been fled from, and it made her feel sorry for her.  The awkward way Richard flirted made her feel protective towards him as well, so she spent most of the rest of the party taking bong hits with them and making plans for the next day, when she would call her ex-boyfriend who'd invited the possible Beth over, and then finding the possible Beth, Vivienne.  "I wish we were sisters," Molly told Tess at one point in the pretty, wrecked dawn of a summer day in Philly, apropos of nothing.  It was sweet to hear a thing like that.

In the morning light, George awoke, sore and depressed, and felt further saddened to see a stranger asleep on the couch, because he correctly guessed that Richard and Molly had met her last night and she would be helping them find Beth.  He wanted the event of finding her to occur in an environment of quiet and seriousness, without anyone peripheral to witness the rescue.

sadness

me and mom

yesterday i spent at least an hour encamped in my doctor's bathroom, shitting, throwing up and crying out a panic attack, a few minutes in a cab ride to the emergency room where i was born, had heart surgery and gave birth, and several hours lying down in an emergency room staring close up at the wall and waiting for imaginary dangers and real ones to duke it out inside my body.  as usual, today i feel more embarrassed than anything else.

more high school high art

there's something so embarrassing about these doodles of mine from junior high and high school that i've been posting on here lately (like the melodrama and how I made it look like this one was copyrighted in the title square), but sometimes i see some other girl's art from when she was  a teenager and it has so many similarities to things i've done, it makes me feel like "aw!  that's sweet and funny" or when i'm in a less charitable mood, feel jealous that i didn't share my similar thing w/ the world first. 

Yesteryou Chapter 19

19.

"Maybe she was my mom," Molly blurted out to the hostess.  "The lady that was here with fireworks.  Maybe it was Beth." 

"Oh, honey," Richard reasoned, "I don't think so."

"What, why not?  Isn't that why we're here, because you though she might be in Philly?  She loves fireworks.  She let me set them off," something Molly never would have thought to ask Richard for permission for.

"Wow," interjected the hostess, "You're tying to find you mom in Philly?  It could totally be this woman.  She kind of looks like you, actually.  Her name was Vivienne, I think.  Is it her?"
            "My mother's name is Beth, but she'd probably make up a name like Vivienne for herself.  What does this woman look like?"

            "Sweetie, she doesn't even have the same name, and I don't think she'd say she was from L.A.  Your mom hasn't lived in L.A. for few years now, she'd probably say she was from Arizona.  You're from L.A.  You're my little Angelino."

            But Molly sensed that her mother had been in this place earlier tonight, she could picture her looking at the animals on the mannequins' apron pockets.  She told Richard, "Dad, she's probably totally out of her mind right now, she's probably lying about stuff to people because she's going crazy," and to the hostess she repeated, "What did the woman look like?"

Yesteryou Chapter 18

18.

George, Beth and Molly bought a box full of fireworks one weekend years ago, the weekend before the 4th of July.  It was illegal to set off fireworks in L.A. County because of the potential for fires in such a draught-ridden tinder box of a city, so they went to a town right outside the county line to buy the fireworks, and they bought a lot:  Flying Spinners; Fountains Cones that shot up green and pink sparks; Ground Bloom Flowers; Parachutes; Roman Candles; smoke grenades. They ended up not using more than a few sparklers the night of the 4th, though; they just weren't in the mood.  But a few months later, Josie was spending a Saturday night over at Beth's with Molly, and the three of them were feeling particularly exhilarated that night.  It was a deliciously warm night, and each girl, woman, felt particularly young, immortal practically, and Beth burst out happily, "Shit, Molly!  We have fireworks!"  She could be so really charming sometimes. 

"Holy fuck, mom!  That is the best idea ever.  We have to set off every firework in that box right now, or I'll burst!” 

"You guys," Josie chided gleefully "we'll totally get arrested!  This is only like year one hundred of the great Los Angeles drought, fireworks are even more illegal than usual; remember all those ads about it around the 4th?  No way we're doing it.  The cops'll show up and we'll have to lie and say we didn't do anything, and it'll be embarrassing.  I hate shit like that!  I hate having to lie to authority figures."

            "No you don't!" teased Molly, tackling her, and Beth said, "Come on, you two lesbos, help me find the fireworks.  This shit's going down tonight!"

They set off every firecracker in that box, all the little cardboard tanks with the fuses at the end that, when you lit them, made the tanks shoot forward on their plastic wheels and spew wild sparks, all the cones that shot out sparks and the black cats and the Catherine Wheels, and when a police helicopter began circling overhead, the three women found the situation almost unbearably funny. 

"Well, promise to visit me in prison," Beth joked, but when there was an aggressive knock on the front door a moment later, they were all still feeling amused and excitable, but now also worried about getting in trouble.

"Yikes.  Um, you guys get in bed.  Close the bedroom door, though, promise.  I'll be bad at lying, if it's the cops, if I know you guys are listening in.  It'll make me nervous."

The knocking started again, and a deep male voice boomed "Hello?!"  It was a police officer, which actually surprised Beth, who though it was probably just her neighbor the unemployed alcoholic contractor, who she had sex with, only once, on a night when the Santa Ana winds and the brush fires in the hills nearby had made her restless, aroused.  But it was a cop who stood outside the door now, who told her that he’d received a complaint regarding something that sounded like fireworks being illegally set off, possibly in her back yard.     

            "Well, it wasn't me," she said indignantly, "Jesus, officer, I'm a grown woman, why would I play with firecrackers?" and of course he had no choice but to take her word for it.  Once the door was closed behind him, Josie and Molly jumped up from where they'd been crouching, in the narrow space between the wall and the living room couch, and simultaneously shouted "Boo!", scaring the hell out of Beth and making her laugh so hard, tears came to her eyes.  "I knew you guys weren't in bed like I told you to be, I just knew it.  I could practically hear your hot little breaths about to explode in laughter and get me arrested!"

God it was funny.  It was like one of the funniest things ever.

A Brief Interview with Writer Lesly Arfin

A young Lesley Arfin (some time in the 90's)

In the 1990’s, before the internet was a thing, first and second generation Riot Grrrls read reviews of zines written by other Riot Grrrls who lived on the other side of the country (or sometimes even in England or Canada), and would sent their $1.25 + 2 stamps price to order these zines, and 9 times out of 10, this (losing) business transaction led to a penpal relationship.  It was amazing.  A lot of the RG rhetoric at the time waxed poetic on the concept of a “girl army”, and while these penpal relationships may not have been a tool of some militant action towards gender equality, it was a very wonderful and amazing network that could not have existed without Riot Grrrl.  I still remember how exciting it was to get the mail everyday (I did a zine with a fairly large readership, called Sweetheart, from around 1993-1997), just how special it felt to have my dad hand me all these wildly decorated envelopes from around the country.  I don’t romanticize my youth much, because it was too rocky to idealize, even through the powerful, distorting lens of nostalgia.  But when I think of all that Riot Grrrl mail, goddamn do I miss those tacky 1990’s and that rocky youth.

Anyway, that is how Long Island NY Lesley Arfin and Playa del Rey CA Robin Crane came to know each other, as penpals connected through zines.  Of course, the friendship faded eventually (they all did, but that was okay – it was sort of part of the whole thing).  

Cut to the mid-2000’s and me perusing one of husband’s issues of Vice Magazine.  I love/hate Vice Mag, but the hate part of that equation is much stronger – I hate their whole Terry Richardson/Richard Kern girl-humiliation aesthetic, all the photos of barely legal models doing private things like pooing or putting on panty hose, purposely humiliating imagery like that, which runs absolutely rampant in that mag.  The thing that I happen to love about Vice, though (or the old Vice anyway, with the original staff), is that the art and writing contributed by the female staff is as disgusting as that of the men.  There’s no expectation for the womens’ work to display any more humanity or tenderness than that of their male counterparts – a gender equality gross out. 

Anyway, I excitedly noticed that Lesley wrote a column for Vice, “Dear Diary.”  Then, in 2007, this column was put into book form, also called Dear Diary, and is a totally fun read, especially for people in our age group.  Since the publication of that book, she's been a contributor and editor of some blogs (see http://lesleyarfin.com/ for a complete picture of her creative career), a staff writer for seasons 1 and 2 of the HBO show Girls, contributed to several blogs, and currently, a writer for season 3 of the MTV show Awkward.

Lesley and I got back in touch recently when I came across an old photo of her  that I wanted her to see.  She agreed to be interviewed, so I emailed her some questions, and voila.  One thing I learned though is that it is a little flat to interview through email -- in the future, and/or if I were more tech-savvy, I think an ideal method of interviewing would be through Instant-Messaging, so, live and learn, but I find Lesley important to the current (counter)cultural landscape and am glad she submitted to being email interviewed, and here it is (I'm calling myself SR for "Sweetheart Redux" and her answers are indicated by "LA", her initials, natch):

SR: There was a ton of controversy surrounding your racial comments (about black people) when you and the other writers of Girls were being questioned about the lack or black actors or even extras in a show that takes place in the racially diverse NYC.  Can you explain your philosophy about the dialectic of race?  In one interview, you said that you loved the power of the word “nigger” and you couched this comment in a discussion of how powerful words are in general, but obviously you knew you were making a controversial statement when you said that.  I feel it was a deliberate decision of yours to answer that way, but can you explain your aim with such a response?  What was your goal with stirring up all this controversy, instead of taking steps to prove that you are not racist in all these debates that came your way?  And in retrospect, are you glad with how you handled things? LA:  [no response]

SR:  Tell me about the show you’re writing for, season 3 of Awkward.

LA:  It's a teen show about an awesomely awkward girl that airs on MTV. If you want to know more you can search it through Wikipedia.  

(editor's note:  so I wikipedia'ed it.  Here is the paragraph about the show's plot:  "The series is based around social outcast Jenna Hamilton who, after receiving a "carefrontation" letter, has a legitimate accident, though it appears as if she tried to commit suicide. By making changes and embracing her misfortune, she becomes well-known to her peers through her blog. After losing her virginity to the popular Matty McKibben, Jenna continues a secret relationship with him due to his embarrassment of her. Jenna later begins to develop a relationship with Matty's best friend, Jake Rosati. Jenna ends her relationship with Matty to be with Jake, and both eventually agree to not tell Jake about it. Jake falls in love with Jenna oblivious to her lingering feelings toward Matty and his best friend's feeling towards his girlfriend. Towards the end of the second season resident mean girl and Jenna's nemesis, Sadie, exposes the relationship to Jake who then breaks up with Jenna. Matty goes to Jenna's house to comfort her and they end up kissing. Jake, realizing he had made a mistake breaking up with Jenna, also goes to her house and witnesses the kiss. What then follows is a public fist fight between Matty and Jake later at school and their eventual make up and a decision to force Jenna to choose between them.")


SR:  In your book Dear Diary, you often speak directly to your family (your dad, in particular, as I recall) – did the publication of the book, or the fact of your parents reading it, change your family dynamic at all, and if so, what’s it like now? 

LA:  I don't know how, if at all, my book changed my family dynamic. My parents have and always will be incredibly supportive of me and my endeavors.  

SR:   Is it hard to maintain sobriety?  How important is it to your life?

LA:  It is hard and it is the most important thing in my life. 

SR:  Favorite:  movie/book/actor/director/actress/food

LA:  Movie: Poltergeist

       Book: The Secret History

       Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio

       Director: Nicole Holofcener

       Actress: Cate Blanchett

       Food: Bread 

SR:  Do you have celebrity crush and if so, who?  And why!

LA:  Leonardo DiCaprio because he is so hunky and talented and I love him in every movie he's ever made.  

SR:  Do you still identify as a feminist, and if so, explain your particular take on feminism?

LA:  Yes I'm a feminist. My particular take on it is less talk more rock.  

SR:  If you could be anything in the world including something magical like a wizard from Gryffendor house, what would it be? 

LA:  That's so broad! I guess I'd be a magical Bodega cat.  

SR:  Who is your hero?

LA:  Joan Rivers/I don't really have one. 

SR:  Does your Judaism have any bearing on your life or identity? 

LA:  Yes of course. I am Jewish. I can't imagine being any other way and wouldn't want to be.  

the end.

Lesley in a parallel universe as a bodega cat