sweetheart redux

frances farmer arrest For 3 weeks, I was an outpatient at the rehab and mental health facility Las Encinas.  In some ways, I’d always assumed I would end up here.  I remember me and my mom going to visit a family friend there once when I was a kid, and my mom half-joking about wishing her Medi-Cal benefits were accepted there.  She wasn't interested in sobriety at that time and wasn't in the middle of one of her existential breakdowns, so I believe she really wanted to be there like being on vacation; the grounds were beautiful and you got 3 square meals a day and were surrounded by interesting fuck ups.  We visited her friend.  He was detoxing from crack and seemed fragile but also fortified by the crisp eucalyptus-smelling air there and relieved to be taken care of by professionals.   I had heart surgery when I was in my early twenties, and dumped by a live-in boyfriend shortly afterwards.  I was single and very ready to mingle so ...

here is some more of my interesting conversation with the millionaires in the Behin Republic.  They were getting a little cheeky today. From: Dhl Courier To: robin crane Sent: Thursday, December 5, 2013 4:18 AM Subject: ATTENTION ATTENTION to you. This is to bring to your notice that i have read your email and i want to let you know that this ATM CARD is only for you and no body esle, i want you to understand that we will not delivered this ATM CARD to you without you sending the $195 been the security keeping fee so i will advice you to send the $195 through western union with the below information so that it will enable us to delivered your ATM CARD to you immediately without any further delay, PAYMENT INFORMATION (WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER). Receiver Name:INNOCENT ONUORAH. City: Cotonou Country: Benin Republic Text Question: In God Answer: We Trust Amount: $195usd MTCN Number.. DR.CHRIS MICHAEL (FOREIGN DELIVERY DEPARTMENT DHL BENIN) DHL COURIER COMPANY LTD ***...

The part of my brain that is art is not there today so instead I am providing you with a few of my recent correspondences with email scammers. #1 - Ms. Monica Williams From: Mrs. Monica Williams. To: Sent: Wednesday, December 4, 2013 2:58 PM Subject: We have finally arranged to Transfer your Fund worth $9.500,000.00 USD Attention my Dear. We have finally arranged to Transfer your Fund worth $9.500,000.00 USD through BANK OF AMERICA. We were able to accomplish this through the help of IMF director John Andy and every necessary arrangement has been made successfully with the Director of BANK OF AMERICA Mr. Ben M. Bernanke. Contact person: Mr. Ben M. Bernanke Telephone:+17205556711 Email:  goodservices100@gmail.com Contact the Director of BANK OF AMERICA Mr. Ben M. Bernanke with your Bank information such as: Bank Name, Bank Account Number, your phone number, Valid ID Card. Sincerely, Mrs. Monica Williams. United Nation Organization ****   rob...

When I was 15 years old, I awoke one morning to the vision of a tall, horned, upright creature, with huge talons, a huge erect penis, and sharp teeth dripping black saliva.  This, I knew, was what some people imagined a demon to look like.  I was so tired I didn’t care what happened to me as long as I didn’t have fully awaken, so I turned to face the wall, like que sera sera, and I just went back to sleep.   There were no unexplained wounds on my body when I woke up later that morning, and I didn’t feel any differently than I had the day before – I didn’t feel haunted or hunted or sick, so while I never forgot the visitation, I reconciled the experience to an upsetting experience that made me feel sorry for myself and scared of dying young.  Something else weird happened later that same year.  I was playing Ouija Board with two of my friends during one of our gin-and-Pepsi slumber parties.  I was not scared of the Ouija Board, because it was a mass-mar...

Here is a vastly incomplete list of a few of my fictional heroes. Housekeeping I love and try to dress like Auntie Sylvie and her niece Ruthie, from the film Housekeeping (1983), based on the 1980 Marilynne Robinson novel of the same name.  The novel should be on the reading list of every woman prone to a desire for secrets and the urge to run away.  I love the book but there's something singularly comforting about the film, mostly just seeing how great the actresses are who play these two great characters, and seeing how haphazard their clothing is -- a pretty old nineteen forties dress and big boots, and wild unruly curly hair.  these two amuse each other and themselves and would be completely happy among the friendly mice, stray cats, and pretty knicknacks of their house, content to read fantastic human interest stories from the newspapers they stockpile out loud to each other,sometimes sneaking peeks through their neighbor's windows to see what's on tv th...

"How do you think it feels/when all you can say is 'if only'?"