sweetheart redux

admittedly, i've been too much of a couch potato this last century as a mostly unemployed young woman. that's a story for another day. but in any event, it's long been my goal to see as many films as possible -- isn't it weird how many movies there are? how many millions of dollars that get spent on straight to video b-movies, even? i'm not being critical here, i really do think the film industry is a marvel. in any event, i'll tell you right now, in this hardcore film watching year of mine, i've developed a problem: the Harry Potter films. i'm addicted to them. as i write this, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone plays in the background, and it's actually a calculated decision on my part: i keep our less popular dvd's in a drawer, & the more popular ones on shelves, and i'm currently letting myself watch each Harry Potter movie one last time before banishing it to the drawer. anyway, i just started renting movies from the ...

There've been a couple misunderstanding of lyrics that always seemed poignant to me. The uk surf version of The Pixies "Wave of Mutilation" was one of me and my mom's shared favorite songs when I was a teenager. One lyric goes: I've kissed mermaids Rode the El Nino but my mom always misheard the lyrics as I've kissed her legs and once she told me she loved that line because it was so tender. When I was heartbroken once in college, sad Otis Redding songs were all I wanted to listen to, and similarly, the lines I misheard were also my favorite lines. There's one verse that goes: Honey, I saw you there last night With another man's arms holding you tight Nobody knows what I feel inside All I know is I walked away and cried and I always love the last line of that verse, which I thought was All I know is I want the way you cried.

in 2004 i had open heart surgery. in the long run it was a success, but in the immediate post-op aftermath, my cardiologist, Dr. Dumbfuck (which in English translates to Fatally Incompetent), didn't actually look at any of the echocardiograms he had me wait hours to take, 3 days in a row, and so nobody knew my heart sac was filling up with blood, until my heart almost stopped working one day, and this time when i went back into the hospital, i guess the insurance company weighed the risks of making me leave again asap, and this time they took care of me until my heart was healed. i lived. in 2005 i had a nervous breakdown, but i'm too sarcastic to ever go fully crazy, so while i was a bit incapable of taking care of myself, i wasn't fully incapable, and therefore i was a day-patient (I didn't have to live at the facility, i could go home at night, not that i wanted to) for 3 weeks at a rehab/mental health facility. the famous one wc fields went to. we had music thera...

despite all the neat clothes, books, jewelry etc i've sold, given away or just left behind, these are 4 postcards i've managed to hang on to for over 10 years. xo

I watch a lot of bad movies. that's been the case for awhile now. I used to just naturally only want to watch good movies, even/especially when I was a teenager -- it wasn't like I was forcing myself to do a Midnight Cowboy/Jules and Jim/The Sterile Cuckoo triple header, in the middle of a saturday, when I was a fifteen year old -- it was what I wanted to do with those hours. Let me clarify that I know it may sound unhealthy, spending a day of my youth, many saturdays in a row, watching movies all day. but i spent my weekends visiting my mom and she was really poor, and we both had our reasons for this near-addiction to escapism, so, we watched a lot of movies on a lot of weekend days. Anyway, I have long been unemployed and it's very anxious-making, and what makes me feel best is watching dvd's while crocheting, that's what keeps the anxiety at bay. uh, i have a little thing where i watch the Harry Potters at least once a week, but i'll save that for a bl...

writing to no one talking to self emily dickinson dead spider on shelf life can be simple and unemployment fun when talking to self and writing to no one.

well, it's 10:12 pm on a sunday night. i'm up to my usual restless tricks. geof is asleep in the bedroom, coughing his poor little lungs out. I have a movie on quietly (Aviator), and am online looking for jobs and yes, occasionally giving in to my recent obsession to Farmville. I have gotten out of the habit of reading, and don't seem able to complete anything lately. I was reading one of my favorite type of novels, something contemporary that nobody's heard of that mom bought at some yard sale in san pedro or something, but that wasn't doing it for me, i wanted something more epic, so I tried to start War and Peace, but it wasn't quite for me, and now I'm trying to make myself stick it out through what seems MAYBE able to hold my attention, graham greene's The Tenth Man, checked out from the North Hollywood Library, when I was there tutoring one of the couple tutoring clients I have left. I can't even finish a scarf lately, before crocheting a...