sweetheart redux

My mother and I were women together.  Well, okay, I was only her girl child for some of those years, but I quite easily grasped one evening when I heard the plentiful and ebullient family next door having a barbecue that lasted roughly from noon until midnight the summer of my eleventh year the disquieting contrast between those noises and smells and the quiet dusk of our own kitchen. “I’m lonely. I want more,” my sullen gaze telegraphed itself into her awareness. “I understand, one hundred percent,” the squeeze she gave my hand – two short squeezes and a long one that felt particularly sincere and protective – transmitted. So – this was womanhood, was our own version of womanhood anyway – a cloud of dissatisfaction palpable as a self-separate entity, a runty bunny rabbit, white with those gruesome red eyes. originally published 6/4/18

The woman with the saggy breasts That woman with the saggy breasts is me But how on earth did that come to be? Mom sloped low with her burdened sigh, Now so do I, so do I.

Stevie Smith (20 September 1902 – 7 March 1971 Died of a brain tumor A House of Mercy It was a house of female habitation, Two ladies fair inhabited the house, And they were brave. For although Fear knocked loud Upon the door, and said he must come in, They did not let him in. There were also two feeble babes, two girls, That Mrs. S. had by her husband had, He soon left them and went away to sea, Nor sent them money, nor came home again Except to borrow back Her Naval Officer's Wife's Allowance from Mrs. S. Who gave it him at once, she thought she should. There was also the ladies' aunt And babes' great aunt, a Mrs Martha Hearn Clode, And she was elderly. These ladies put their money all together And so we lived. I was the younger of the feeble babes And when I was a child my mother died And later Great Aunt Martha Hearn Clode died And later still my sister went away. Now I am old I tend my mother's sister The noble aunt who so l...

          Resumé Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. Inscription for the Ceiling of a Bedroom read by Ms. Parker Symptom Recital -- scene from the movie Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle starring Jennifer Jason Leigh